Chapter 8: How to Create Special Effects
The Easy Way to Get Cool Looks Fast
I’ve been messing with you a lot in these chapter intros, and there have been things I’ve said that sounded totally legit, but then just a few sentences later you realize that I made the whole thing up, and I know that hurt you, and I want to make up for it. I want to make up for it by finally telling you the truth about what’s in this chapter, and not by hiding behind vague Star Wars references or mild inferences that I may have been a tank commander in the Soviet army during a time when we were not that friendly with the Soviet army (so, literally anytime except for about 15 minutes during WWII). So, here goes, I’m going all in, straight up on the truth in telling you that the effects in this chapter on special effects are not all that special. This chapter should have just been named “Effects.” There. I said it. And, you know what? This whole “Telling the truth, but just for a very brief period” thing feels good. It kinda of reminds me of that time when I was second-in-command of a French nuclear-powered attack sub, the FNS Camembert, of the Marine Nationale, and we were out doing some strategic deterrence maneuvers near the sea of Roquefort. We were just cruising along, doing about 22 knots, at a depth of around 620 feet, when all of a sudden there was this huge clanging sound like we hit something metal. Well, the commander nearly tossed his raclette, and everybody was screaming and sirens were going off, so I yelled to the helmsman “Surface! Surface!” Well, when we get to the surface, what pops up right next to us with a big ol’ gash in her side? That’s right, a Russian Navy Typhoon Class sub. Well, everybody was pretty freaked out, and then the Russians popped the hatch on their conning tower, and I saw their commander appear, so I grabbed my binoculars, then my bullhorn, and yelled, “Rhredondunt! Is that you, you ol’ dog?” Small world, folks. Small world. By the way, every word of this is true. Je ne voudrais pas mentir, mon ami.